…just like elections, another one is upon us.
Once again, Merry Christmas from the Helton Family!
Here we go again—another holiday season has arrived, and there’s not much we can do about it. It's time for yet another of those holiday newsletters in which we try to top your achievements again this year, and prove that we are indeed superior humans (and animals), who lead exemplary lives. So, we’d like to bring our friends and family up to date on our activities again this year. Without any further ado, strap yourselves in and hold on for the annual fake holiday letter!
Missy & Solstice
The cats check-in again with their usual flair: Missy, 13, while still tiny in stature, is as spry as ever, and continues to impress all with her “mad skills”. She got “the big break” in her acting career this year. She will be featured in a Cat’s Eye Lager Beer commercial, schedule to begin airing on ABC Family in January, wearing only a two-piece (good luck with that one, head of wardrobe). Our new cat this year, Solstice, 4, is currently exploring Buddism and is debating whether to participate in any family C
hristmas activities. I think Solstice considered the religion switch, because he felt that adopting the “Serenity Now” mantra bodes well for him, in dealing with a cat half his size. You could say he’s our “monster" er, I mean, "big bundle of joy” (yeah, that's it). Wherever you are in your journey Solstice, you will eventually find your way… (dude! hopefully to the litter box… you cannot believe what nasty smells come from him!). Both Missy and Solstice agree to put aside some of their feuding for 2011, but couldn’t agree on when and how to curb any “Solstice using the bathroom” ambushing this coming year. Linda & Todd
Yes, yes, yes. Everyone wants to know what exciting things the Heltons have been up to this year. After turning down repeated pleas for interviews from People Magazine and the National Enquirer, we are going to give you, our friends and family, an exclusive.
Linda is practically perfect in every way. She works tirelessly at Teacher’s Paper Pusher Commission (TPPC, or TUPAC for short), and also works part-time at South Salem High School as an armed hall monitor. The school administration says that for one week each month, she does her best work, making absolutely sure the kids toe the line. And, she has been working out regularly at Curves. Last week she found one.
Todd is in his tenth, um, make that third, year at Copper Hill. They say he’s the best janitor they’ve ever had. When he wasn’t chasing booze-wielding drunks back inside the facility, he was secretly working a covert operation with Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, to find Bejeweled Blitz’ equivalent of the “Holy Grail”… the elusive million coin “Daily Spin”. Beyond that, Todd and Linda also had fun traveling around the Northwest, whenever they could. Where is still a mystery, but they met some very nice State Police officers, along the way.
Finally, in other news, you should know that we wish you all peace and plenty of time to do what’s important to you in the coming year.
With love, The Heltons
Have a safe and happy Holiday season and happy 2011!
